I don’t give a shit about people’s iPhone 7 photos, Tim. This is what Instagram is for. MOVE THE HELL ALONG. #AppleEvent

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“We have over 8000 apps on Apple TV. Including one to order Papa John’s. We’re sorry about that one.” #AppleEvent

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Glad to see they’re still calling it a “Force Touch Trackpad” because that name isn’t creepy at all. No, sir. #AppleEvent

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I don’t look at the keyboard when typing, so the whole “word suggestions” thing in the Touch Bar seems a little stupid, y’know? #AppleEvent

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I love the Touch ID stuff, but Touch Bar is a solution in search of a problem. Not exactly blowing me away here. #AppleEvent

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And YES I WILL STILL OWN ONE SHUT UP. #AppleEvent

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*throws wallet at screen* #AppleEvent x.com/sixcolorsevent…