Come for the ridiculous magnet stunts, stay for Helen Mirren in a car chase.
There’s a new episode of Nearly Coherent!
eD!, Jeff, and Dave discuss their shared love of the rom-coms on Netflix and The Hallmark Channel, Dave shares a Tale of The In-Laws, eD! and Jeff listen to a Dave’s News Corner about illegal lunch meat, and all agree that olive loaf is weird!
Also, eD! finally watched “Ted Lasso” and makes Jeff wait until the end of the episode to talk about it because, let’s be honest, occasionally eD! is a complete dick.
I’d be wildly offended by that description of me except that, y’know, it’s true.
And I wrote it.
But mainly the first thing.
My Dumb Broken Brain
If you’re not familiar with the online reporting of Ashley Feinberg, (1) go follow her on Twitter right now, and (2) you should also subscribe to Trashberg, her new newsletter.
In the latest installment of Trashberg, Feinberg goes into a deep-dive into the Instagram shenanigans of Cally Gingrich, wife of former Speaker of the House and current Burlap Sack of Instant Mashed Potatoes Posing as a Human, Newt Gingrich.
In this analysis, Feinberg describes “The Cally”, the Gingrichii’s signature pose:
This is not something Cally dreamed up recently. According to my research, she began perfecting this shot as early as 2014. And when viewed within the larger context of her Instagram, the reappearance of this particular arrangement is easy to overlook. Each one is separated by shots of the Pope, Newt’s dinner, all the things Cally holds dear. But take notice of the repetition just once, and The Cally quickly become all you can see. Your dreams become an endless scroll of plastered smiles on smooth Callies and sweaty-faced Newts, boring into your innermost self as you pray for relief.
But, please, don’t take my word for it. Observe.
Readers are then treated to a number of examples of The Cally in action, and, then, a GIF combining all The Cally images. And, watching that GIF, my brain — my dumb, stupid brain — could only think of one thing.
The fine folks at the Animal Rescue League of Iowa recently did a Poorly Drawn Pet fundraiser — if you donated to them, and sent them a picture of your pet, one of their volunteers would draw your pet for you, which is a brilliant idea tbh.
I donated about 30 seconds after I heard about this, and let me tell you, the results were everything I could have possibly hoped for:

While the Poorly Drawn Pets fundraiser is over, you can still donate to the Animal Rescue League of Iowa here. You know you want to, just do it.
Un-Un-Carrier
T-Mobile will soon put a new privacy policy into effect that will allow it to share certain kinds of customer information with third-party advertisers. Starting on April 26th, 2021, all customers will be automatically opted in to the new program, as spotted by The Wall Street Journal. Customers who don’t want to participate will need to manually opt out using their accounts’ privacy tools.
For a carrier that built up their business shouting about how they weren’t like those other cellular providers, this is a pretty standard-issue-carrier-horseshit move.
There’s a new episode of Nearly Coherent!
eD! and Jeff are joined by the newly-married Dave and Lisa to discuss their wedding, their honeymoon, Dave’s incredible dance moves, manicures and pedicures, and other horrors that the mind can barely comprehend!
Honestly this episode goes places I never thought we’d go, and I’m still scarred from it to this day.
Nearly Coherent: Mawwage!
There’s a new episode of Nearly Coherent!
You were here for the proposal. You’ve heard about the planning. Now it’s time to enjoy tales from the social event of the season: Dave and Lisa’s wedding!
I also get to talk about the M1 MacBook Pro I’ve been using, and, lemme tell you, it’s pretty damn good.
The Dogs of 2020
Nothing better to wrap up this dumpster-fire year than this punch in the emotional jimmies.
If you need me, I’ll be ugly-crying on my office couch.
Rock-y The Vote
Look, you shouldn’t need another reason to vote what with all the crap going on, but if you do, you could do worse than voting because Tenacious D (and guests!) singing “Time Warp” from “Rocky Horror” inspired you to.
The One Good Thing
While we still have a few months left to see what other horrors 2020 will bestow upon us, at least we have “Animaniacs”
to look forward to.