Hear me out on this one:

1. I used to work in a pharmacy.
2. At that pharmacy, I would occasionally ring people up for things. Newspapers, for instance.
3. Those newspapers included The New York Daily News, Newsday, and The New York Times.¹
4. I write stuff; therefore, I am an “author”.
5. I am thus qualified to introduce myself as “New York Times Selling Author eD! Thomas” in perpetuity.
6. Profit(?)

It’s not the weakest logic-train I’ve ever boarded, so I think I’m going to run with it.