Linkin' Log

The Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

The Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog

Item #02-496059 Bourbon Cranberry Relish

Williams-Sonoma says: “Sauteed cranberries, bourbon, shallots and herb with a hint of orange. 16oz.”

Price: $40

Notes from Drew: That’s 40 bucks for a bowl of cranberry sauce that everyone will pass up because we all prefer the shit that costs two bucks and comes plopping out of the can in the shape of the can. The second ingredient is LEAD. For 40 bucks, you should get the bourbon on its own.

via @aduronia

Linkin' Log

How Hurricane Sandy Ravaged My Town

Peter Hoare on the Superstorm’s effects on his town.

As myself and a small group of friends sat in my buddy Adam’s apartment, enjoying the loosest possible definition of the words “mandatory” and “evacuation,” things got serious — fast. The rain and winds picked up. As we had a view of the water — yes, I’m dumb enough to stay in an evacuation zone while enjoying a lovely beachfront view — we witnessed waves that looked like they were ripped out of a scene in The Perfect Storm. As lights began to flicker and streets began to flood, we quickly decided to retreat back to our own apartments.

I suppose, for transparency’s sake, that I should mention that Pete is my cousin, so (a) I am biased in linking this and (b) clearly allowed to agree on his description of himself as a “big, bearded dickhead” for staying behind.


How Tim Cook Can Not Suck In His 2nd Year As Apple’s CEO

There was an article on Ars Technica the other day titled “10 Things We’d Like To See Tim Cook Do In His Next Year At Apple”. Thinking to myself that this article came from Ars Technica, which is generally seen as the place for so-called “serious” technology news, I was tittlated1 to see what they would say, assuming there would be some great insight. Then, after clicking through the article in Google Reader, I was greeted by their first suggestion:

10. License OS X

The logic the contributor brought to that gem of a suggestion was that Apple was not taking full advantage of the “professional” market, so maybe granting an OEM license to someone else to develop a new powerful machine would be a good idea. Because, as we all know, the Mac Pro hasn’t been updated in over two years, and Apple has been outright struggling as a company without the backing of that tired old workhorse.

Apple Sales Growth Chart
Steve would have killed himself by now.
(via ReadWriteWeb)

Well, as long as everyone is racking their brains with ideas for Tim Cook, since clearly Apple is in danger of going out in a ball of flame, I thought I’d bring four of my own ideas to the mix to help out a bit, too.

Item: Release “iPad Mini” in early October with 7.85” screen. Release “iPad Air” in early November that doubles as a hoverboard.

There is little doubt that I wouldn’t buy my parents iPad Minis for Christmas. There is even less doubt that I wouldn’t buy an iOS-powered hoverboard for myself.

iPad Hover Board
Sick high-tops not included.

Item: Allow iMessage to send messages to someone at a scheduled time. Most importantly, allow me to send myself iMessages from the future.

Because sometimes you just need to give yourself some advice to prevent issues down the line.

A Desperate Warning
Seriously, though, how was I supposed to know that a gas station burrito could cause non-stop diarrhea?

Item: Release a suit of armor. You know, like Iron Man’s.

This would be great. Of course, instead of Jarvis, we’d have Siri, so it wouldn’t be as bad-ass, but, still: Iron Man, bitches.

Siri as Jarvis
Which is more unbelievable: Siri running the Iron Man armor, Siri understanding a word that was said, or that Sprint has 5 bars of service in Manhattan?

Item: License Android. Release an iPhone with Android to gain further marketshare.

Actually, never mind on that one. Samsung has that market pretty covered, I figure.2

If Apple can maybe get its act together and take these suggestions, I think things will be better for everyone.

  1. Snicker 
  2. ZING! 
Life, Y'Know?

A Clean Slate

While I’m very much a creature of habit, oddly enough, one of my habits is blowing things up and starting over. I love clean slates. I hate baggage. It’s easy to get complacent and fall into a routine. In my experience, that can be poison for both creativity and thoughtfulness.

MG Siegler

If you visited this site a few days ago, you would have seen an archive of my online musings going all the way back to 2005 – this was fueled by a bit of advice I received from a friend of mine about the wisdom of having a back catalog of crap for people to read through.1

However, there have been things that happened that I wanted to be all, “Hey, let’s make a snarky comment about that!”, but I felt oddly confined by the style and tone of the posts that I’ve written before. Of course my writing style had changed – that’s to be expected as time goes on – but I felt that if I couldn’t recapture the spark of my old blogging efforts, then it would be super-jarring to the reader2 , and blah-blah-blah. Of course, all this could have been a way for my brain to tell me to not even try my hand at this nonsense again, because deep-down I’m a shallow, vain creature, and when you even try to put yourself out there on these cold, harsh internets, someone is going to tell you how much you suck. And as I only have a massive ego to overcompensate for my complete lack of self-esteem, the love and adoration of complete strangers is something that I look for on a regular basis.3

So, as is my wont to do, I have removed the backlog of posts that I had on this site. And, quite frankly, it feels pretty damn good to be free of the weight from all the old4 content I had on here. I can now go on to make fun of whatever I feel like without fear that I’m not ‘good enough’.

And what, kind reader, can you expect to find here? Basically everything.5 If it falls under the auspices of pop culture, technology, theater, comedy, comic books, adventure, bacon, cheesesteaks, writing, or anything that isn’t ‘sports’,6 I’ll wax idiotic about it.

So welcome to eD! The Musical. Let’s party.

  1. Naturally, she’s probably 100% correct in that assumption, and I would be wise to listen to her. However, ‘wise’ was never one of the adjectives that would be used to describe me. 
  2. That’s right, I care about you. Group hug in 3, 2, 1… 
  3. You’d think this would make me focus more on my existing relationships, but no; I’m a big fan of having both a core group of strong friendships and a large collection of acquaintances that are really nothing more than intellectual one-night-stands. I’m just super-classy like that. 
  4. My brain tells me that I should be saying ‘better’, but it can go ahead and shut its dirty whore mouth, thank you very much! 
  5. I’m a big believer of finding a focus for your writing and sticking with it, as you can tell. 
  6. I make no promises to not talk about curling in the Winter Olympics, though, because that’s just ripe for the mocking.