---
url: 'https://edequalsaweso.me/2013/05/annie/'
title: 'eTM Investigates: Annie'
author:
  name: 'eD! Thomas'
  url: 'https://edequalsaweso.me/author/edequalsawesome/'
date: '2013-05-10T09:35:40-04:00'
modified: '2013-05-10T09:35:40-04:00'
type: post
categories:
  - Entertainment
published: true
---

# eTM Investigates: Annie

So here’s the thing: while I believe that anyone who puts themselves purposely in the public eye is an open target for ridicule, I tend to avoid publicly lambasting 99% of kids that are in show business. This is for three reasons:

- Kids in show business may very well not want to be in their field, and are instead living out the dreams that their stage-parents may have had for themselves when they were younger. I have no way of knowing who has that problem, and they have enough on their plate, psychologically-speaking, and they don’t need my snark to be aired publicly on top of that.
- If you’re under the age of 16, you’re likely still trying to figure out a lot of things, and if you’re in show business, you’re probably doing it in front of the world. That’s kinda sucky – I sure as hell wouldn’t have wanted that much attention on me at that point – so you get a pass.
- It makes me look super-mean, and I am a needy attention-slut who desires the approval of complete strangers, so that would be counter to my interests.

So when I saw the cast of the Broadway revival of “Annie” on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade last year, it took all my strength not to point out how… *interesting *the kid who is playing the title orphan looked on every social media site I could find.

Again, I do not want to make fun of children, but *that face will paint my nightmares forever*. And it has taken every reserve of will I have to not mock that poor child into oblivion.

But as I was sitting in the waiting room of my car dealership, waiting for my car to be inspected, a commercial came on for “Annie”. And there was that poor little gremlin, dancing with Daddy Warbucks, begging people to come see the show. And it struck me: I have nothing better to do at the moment. *Let’s figure out what is wrong with this kid. *And, gentle reader, I have done just that. Are you ready for the most hard-hitting investigative report this side of Woodward and Bernstein?

![Annie, left, and Lilla Crawford, right.](https://i0.wp.com/edequalsaweso.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Annie.png?quality=80&ssl=1)*Annie, left, and Lilla Crawford, right.*

As you can see, Lilla Crawford, who plays everyone’s favorite overly-optimistic orphan turned second-hand war profiteer, is actually a *normal looking girl*. If I saw her on the street, I wouldn’t begin to cower in fear at all! It’s only when the makeup department throws a poorly-designed wig on her head, dyes her eyebrows a shade of red that I am pretty sure is not seen in nature, and cakes so much white makeup on her that even The Joker would raise an eyebrow (From “The Dark Knight”, obviously. I *know *The Joker of the comics and cartoon has skin that is naturally chalk-white. Shut up.). And maybe the effect works on stage – although I doubt it – but it is absolutely *awful *for television. But I’m not making fun of the girl. She seems like a normal individual.

It’s the makeup department at “Annie” that makes her look like a second-hand Pennywise from Steven King’s “It” that deserves our ridicule. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be waiting for a call from the Eyewitness News Investigators, who I’m sure will be offering me a job any minute now.