---
url: 'https://edequalsaweso.me/2012/08/tim-cook-suggestions/'
title: 'How Tim Cook Can Not Suck In His 2nd Year As Apple’s CEO'
author:
  name: 'eD! Thomas'
  url: 'https://edequalsaweso.me/author/edequalsawesome/'
date: '2012-08-29T11:37:39-04:00'
modified: '2012-08-29T11:37:39-04:00'
type: post
categories:
  - Technology
tags:
  - Apple
  - Tim Cook
published: true
---

# How Tim Cook Can Not Suck In His 2nd Year As Apple’s CEO

There was an article on Ars Technica the other day titled [“10 Things We’d Like To See Tim Cook Do In His Next Year At Apple”](http://arstechnica.com/apple/2012/08/10-things-wed-like-to-see-tim-cook-do-in-his-next-year-at-apple/). Thinking to myself that this article came from Ars Technica, which is generally seen as *the* place for so-called “serious” technology news, I was tittlated[1](#fn-9458354130-1) to see what they would say, assuming there would be some great insight. Then, after clicking through the article in Google Reader, I was greeted by their first suggestion:

> 10. License OS X

The logic the contributor brought to that gem of a suggestion was that Apple was not taking full advantage of the “professional” market, so maybe granting an OEM license to someone else to develop a new powerful machine would be a good idea. Because, as we all know, the Mac Pro hasn’t been updated in over *two years*, and Apple has been outright *struggling as a company* without the backing of that tired old workhorse.

![Apple Sales Growth Chart](https://i0.wp.com/edequalsaweso.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Apple-Sales-Growth-1.png?quality=80&ssl=1)*Steve would have killed himself by now.  
(via [ReadWriteWeb](http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/apple_sales_growth_rate.php))*

Well, as long as everyone is racking their brains with ideas for Tim Cook, since clearly Apple is in danger of going out in a ball of flame, I thought I’d bring four of my own ideas to the mix to help out a bit, too.

### Item: Release “iPad Mini” in early October with 7.85” screen. Release “iPad Air” in early November that doubles as a hoverboard.

There is little doubt that I wouldn’t buy my parents iPad Minis for Christmas. There is even less doubt that I wouldn’t buy an iOS-powered hoverboard for myself.

![iPad Hover Board](https://i0.wp.com/edequalsaweso.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Ipad-Hover-board-1.jpg?quality=89&ssl=1)*Sick high-tops not included.*

### Item: Allow iMessage to send messages to someone at a scheduled time. Most importantly, allow me to send myself iMessages from the future.

Because sometimes you just need to give yourself some advice to prevent issues down the line.

![A Desperate Warning](https://i0.wp.com/edequalsaweso.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/gas-station-burrito.png?quality=80&ssl=1)*Seriously, though, how was I supposed to know that a gas station burrito could cause *non-stop diarrhea?**

### Item: Release a suit of armor. You know, like Iron Man’s.

This would be *great*. Of course, instead of Jarvis, we’d have Siri, so it wouldn’t be *as* bad-ass, but, still: **Iron Man, bitches**.

![Siri as Jarvis](https://i0.wp.com/edequalsaweso.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/siri-as-jarvis.jpg?quality=89&ssl=1)*Which is more unbelievable: Siri running the Iron Man armor, Siri understanding a word that was said, or that Sprint has 5 bars of service in Manhattan?*

### Item: License Android. Release an iPhone with Android to gain further marketshare.

Actually, never mind on that one. Samsung has that market pretty covered, I figure.[2](#fn-9458354130-2)

If Apple can maybe get its act together and take these suggestions, I think things will be better for everyone.

---

    - *Snicker* [↩](#fnref-9458354130-1)

    
- ZING! [↩](#fnref-9458354130-2)